The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
