So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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