He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
