yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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