dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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