worst night to have a conscience
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
