I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
