So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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