I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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