So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
