Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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