'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Terrible idea I love it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
