Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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