Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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