Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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