508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize