Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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