Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize