none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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