HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
