i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
