does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
