oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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