I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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