i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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