i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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