12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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