i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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