Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
