I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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