Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
