She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
