I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do vagina's smell?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
