I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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