TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like, not good at living.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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