you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
