either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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