i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
