he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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