conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize