How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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