Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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