may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
