just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
