I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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