my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
