you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's JV to your varsity
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
