answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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