Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
