So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
