Can i not drive my cunt home
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
