i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
