Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
