who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
