Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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