Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
