ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
