Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
