I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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