someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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