I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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