There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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