bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
