i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
