I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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